If you keep fighting the truth eventually it will fight back

There might come a time where you’ll find yourself in a dynamic you know you should no longer be in. Plodding along every day, with increasing, ignored misery, in a relationship (platonic or otherwise— but especially otherwise) that has long run its course.

There you are trudging through knee-deep swamp water with no real direction or reward in sight. And yet, you keep trudging along because it’s easier than admitting that you are in fact, in a swamp. Holding hands in the swamp water, thinking that somehow it will make the reality of your swampy relationship less swampy.

And you’re in a swamp by choice, mind you. Maybe at first you didn’t notice the road was headed directly into swampland. That’s fine; it happens to the best of us. But at this stage, baby, it stinks. And you know it. Just because you’re pretending not to notice the stench doesn’t make it any less present.

And it doesn’t even have to stink, by the way. Your relationship doesn’t need to be in the soggy, murky depths of a swamp for it to no longer be a worthwhile endeavor. You might be in a car—a nice car, in fact— circling the same block over and over, because you can’t quite agree on a route forward. You might be at the movies, replaying black and white reruns of a relationship that no longer exists, refusing to leave the darkness of the theatre because you don’t want the stark, unfortunate reality of your relationship in-the-present-tense to blind you.

But the thing is, the moment a relationship no longer fits you—it will not fit you again.

I know that can be hard to hear, and having experienced it myself, harder still to accept, but that does not change the fact that it will not fit you again. You can contort yourself as much as you like or force your feet into shoes two sizes too small, if you insist. But you will be uncomfortable. You will stunt your growth. You will walk funny. You will be miserable.

It doesn’t matter how much you try to get used to the smell or to convince yourself that wearing size 7s when you’re a 9 isn’t so bad, the truth once seen will never be unseen. Sure, you can put on sunglasses or squeeze your eyes shut, but in that case then, I’d like to ask you why.

Why are you so attached to your own discomfort? Why would you willingly commit yourself to a disgruntled, dissatisfied future of a life? What’s up with that?

what you look like fighting to stay in that swamp

Here’s a brief, non-exhaustive list of things that would better serve you than enduring a lackluster partnership:

1. Rewatching Game of Thrones (seasons 1-7, only)

2. Getting your steps in

3. Updating your CV

4. Maintaining your Duolingo streak

5. Freeing yourself so the right person might find you

6. Freeing yourself because you deserve to be free

7. Sleeping on whichever side of the bed you like

8. Actually reading that book you keep saying you’re going to read for real this time

9. Booking a flight, any flight

10. Starting over

Yes, starting over—the scariest prospect in all the world, because it is actually stunning what we are willing to endure for fear of starting from scratch. A prospect so terrifying, in fact, that we’d rather shackle ourselves to a sinking ship than begin again.

But may I offer an even scarier prospect?

Building the wrong thing with the wrong person. Laying bricks in a swamp and thinking you’ll end up with something worthwhile. Walking towards a doomed future, by choice. And most importantly, delaying the inevitable.

Because once seen, the truth simply can’t be unseen. The day you glimpse that difficult reality, even if accidentally, is the day you seal your fate. You will never be able to shake that internal disharmony now, no matter how hard you try. This is why far too many people seat themselves in a swamp of denial, build a little mud hut and make friends with the swamp creatures; because once the truth reveals itself, it will never go back in its shell.

And because I want you to live a beautiful, swamp-free life—one that is purpose-built for your happiness, I’m writing this so you may confront your truth, whatever that may be (but I think we know what it may be).

I don’t know who needs to hear it, but I do know we all know someone who does, so I hope it lands at precisely the right place, at precisely the right moment.

Something doesn’t need to be ‘bad’ for it to not be right for you, it only has to be not right for you. And it not being right for you is the only reason you ever need to walk away.

At the end of this one life, there will be no reward for accepting and enduring a situation that was never meant to be yours. I know it’s hard to hear, and even harder to do—but I hope you love yourself enough and consider yourself worthy enough to hear it and do it anyway.

I understand the truth might be heartbreaking; so, wrestle with it, mourn it, be angry with it, yell at it. Shed tears, stress eat, throw up, scream—but please do not run away from it. Because the truth will come for its pound of flesh, whether you like it or not. It can only be delayed, never denied.

The world is filled with people who couldn’t bear the weight of their truth, and so instead became a victim of it, stuck in a stagnant, deeply unsatisfying life.

And I don’t know what else to say other than that just ain’t it. It’s not a vibe; it’s not the move; it’s not the future I want for any of us.

More importantly, it’s not a future any of us should want for ourselves.

And that’s the truth.