the dream is in the work

I believe in wrestling things to the the ground

It might be a little controversial to say in today’s soft life-oriented climate but I’m going to say it anyway: I believe in doing things by force.

Sure, there’s a decent chunk of things that you maybe can’t force. If the alignment isn’t there, it just won’t be there and there isn’t much we can do about that (and we actually shouldn’t try). But as for everything else? I believe in wrestling things to the the ground.

In this life, some shit does indeed need to happen by force, sorry.

If you want to get here, there or anywhere really, you actually have to make it happen.

And there’s absolutely somewhere you want to go. There always is. Anyone engaging in the human experience has somewhere they want to go—whether it’s up the corporate ladder, into a new home, maybe to the Maldives, idk.

There’s likely also somewhere you no longer want to be—in a relationship that has outlived its time, in a job that drains you, in a friendship that no longer holds the same value.

And maybe if left alone these things will sort themselves out. Maybe you’ll just stumble into the job of your dreams like in a romcom or something. Perhaps you’ll just wake up one day and find the trauma from your childhood has simply evaporated.

But more likely, you’ll have to do the work. And at some point, along the way, you’ll have to do it by force.

You might have to force yourself to face your demons; you might have to force yourself to go to the gym. You might have to force yourself not to turn off the alarm; you might have to force yourself to stop talking about your ex. To get where you are trying to go, you might have to arrive there by force, I’m sorry!

We can wait for the rain to come, certainly. After all, there’s absolutely a natural ebb and flow to the universe. There are flowers that thrive in the wild, wheat that grows without intervention, trees that reach the sky by being left alone.

But for a bountiful harvest? A beautiful, flourishing garden? There are things that simply must be done. You will have to fetch water; you will need to fertilize the soil. You might have to spend some time pruning the weeds. In this life, there are times where we must effort; where we have to work to make something happen.

And often this looks like making the hard decision:
This is the last time I’ll ever be in this position.
These are the last tears I’ll ever cry over this situation.
I will never allow myself to feel this way again.
I will no longer allow anyone to treat me like this.

These aren’t actually hard decisions but they can feel that way, especially if a situation is all you’ve ever known, or it has existed for so long, you can’t imagine any other way.

It can feel like suddenly there’s an impenetrable brick wall, sky-high and miles-wide, between you and where you want to be. You’ll want to retreat because that feels easier, even though you know there’s nothing back there worthwhile. You need to get to the other side, and that is exactly when (and why) you must do it by force.

There will be moments where it will feel too hard. There will also be moments where it will literally be too hard. But it simply must be done, so you will do it by force.

Delete that number, by force.

Put on your running shoes, by force.

Sit with your feelings, by force.

Open yourself to love again, by force.

Do whatever you have to do, to get where you want to be, even if it is by force.

The things that we need do in order to realize our ideal outcomes won’t always feel natural immediately. But just because something isn’t second nature (looking at you/us, perfectionists) doesn’t mean we aren’t meant to do it. It might just mean that we’ll have to do it—yes exactly— by force.

You see, if you keep your eyes towards the horizon, to the larger and grander picture that is your life, getting to that new destination, learning to do that new thing, becoming that new person, might not always be the seamless transition we’d hoped. There’s a lot of unavoidable, uncomfortable work that must be done, but that’s ok—we can do hard things.

I promise that we have infinite capacity to create new shapes and mold new beginnings. But if you want to go the distance, at some point, you’ll need to apply a little pressure— a little force.

Sometimes you just got to do the work.

Because the dream is in the work.
The healing is in the work.