the envy/inspiration spectrum

Envy comes from a place of scarcity, the belief that there's only so much space in the sky

Envy feels like possibly the ugliest emotion to experience. And I think that the natural response to experiencing what we believe to be something ugly within ourselves is to avoid it all costs.

No one wants to confront the fact that there’s someone out there doing/being/experiencing something you wish for yourself. It requires admitting that at some level, there’s a part of you that not only feels inadequate but feels inadequate vis-à-vis someone else.

And that shit is embarrassing. And since no one enjoys feeling embarrassed, it’s an emotion that we wholeheartedly reject.

But the thing is envy can happen to anyone; it’s an emotion just like joy or anxiety or sorrow, and humans are emotional beings. There’s no one emotion that any of us are exempt from, and that includes getting a little green eyed from time to time.

I think we should acknowledge our emotional experiences in their entirety, as uncomfortable as that might be. But I think this is especially true when it comes to envy, because if left unchecked, you can go from momentarily green-eyed to a full-blown monster. If you pretend your envy doesn’t exist, it evolves from a fleeting feeling to a character trait.

I fundamentally see all emotions as neutral, including envy—but an envious spirit? An envious energy? An envious person? Ugly.

u-g-l-y

And when I say envy, I mean it in its broadest manifestation—because it can be tempting to think of yourself as exempt because you’re not envious of things. That’s the typical way we grow up seeing envy characterized and the definition we’re most comfortable with. Because most of us are not thieves, which is the usual way envy of things manifests, we think it doesn’t happen to us.

But envy can manifest in far more nuanced and subtle ways. In fact, I think the most insidious form of envy is not when you want someone else’s life or job or partner or anything tangible at all. It’s when you’re envious of who they are. Their boldness, their tenacity, their glow, their presence, their magnetism and most damning, their freeness.

Those people who move through the world, seemingly unencumbered by societal expectations and obligations. Those are the folks who make shit happen—the ones who defy gravity.

And we all have dreams and goals and hopes for our lives, right? But often the barrier to realizing them first lies in our own self-doubt or fear. It’s those limiting beliefs about ourselves that say, can’t. Don’t. Won’t. Them, not you. Never you.

Since limiting beliefs are incredibly deep-seated, they might feel unshakable. It’s like baggage you’ve been walking around with so long you don’t even realize it’s there anymore— but boy, do you feel its weight. So when we see people who seem unencumbered by those same doubts/trauma/experiences that are keeping us tethered to the ground, we grow envious.

We watch them, light-footed and self-assured, zip around the sky and we think to ourselves, how the hell did they get up there?

The ugly version of ourselves will start to criticize.

those wings are ugly anyway,

I’d be up there too if my mom didn’t perm my wings back in preschool.

They think they’re better than me flying around up there.

And uglier still.

They didn’t even earn those wings.

Bet they fly into a tree soon.

Who wants to fly anyway?

And ugliest of all, are those who run to the comment section, trying to clip their wings—ugly ass wings.

Envy as an emotion or a feeling is natural. But growing into an envious spirit is a choice. And we can only recognize it and catch it before it evolves into something ugly and permanent, if we can be big enough to admit when we aren’t being our best selves.

I really don’t want you to ever feel ashamed of feeling envious, but I do want you to want to do something about it before it becomes who you are.

no choice but to kill that green-eyed monster dead, I’m afraid

Envy comes from a place of scarcity. It's the belief that there's only so much space in the sky. That my attempts to fly mean that you’ll be stuck on the ground.

But baby, the sky is infinite. The heavens can and will hold us all.

So you have a choice:

On one end of the spectrum lies envy, scarcity, limiting beliefs, fear, self-doubt. The mud is thick so it’s hard to move; there’s crabs fighting in a barrel over there. It’s musty and damp—possibly mold over there. Asbestos even. An overcrowded comments section filled with the disgruntled and unfulfilled.

On the other side of is inspiration.

Because you see, the better, more productive alternative to envy is allowing yourself to be inspired. Let yourself become encouraged and energized by the heights someone has reached, rather than attempting to pluck, pluck, pluck at their feathers in the group chat.

Because there’s magic on that other side. There’s abundance and open skies and faith. Bigness and grandeur on that other side; fresh air and room to breathe. Space to grow, to blossom, to soar.

It’s a no brainer!

And the journey from one side to the other is actually a very short walk. Choose inspiration. Choose abundance. Think so highly of yourself that you know your wings coming. Exist in so much abundance that you’re more than happy to cheer from the ground in the meantime.

In fact, enjoy the view from wherever you are—your time is coming, my love.